This doesn’t make any sense… why do I struggle with an eating disorder?
I reiterated this phrase in my head a thousand times over during my battle. In my darkest moments, there appeared to be no logical way to explain my eating disorder. How could God allow such devastation to a life that He claimed to love?
How can we make sense of an eating disorder in the presence of a loving God?
Proverbs 3:5 says, “lean not on your own understanding.” Why not? My understanding did not allow me to understand the eating disorder at all. There was no good in it. Because it was not good, in my mind, it made no sense. There was no purpose for it, other than to harm me.
My understanding left me with confusion, questions, doubts, and fears.
But God’s understanding. Now that is a different story. God can see the big picture. God can see the good that can arise from our trials. He knows that our struggles can grow us closer to Him. He knows that our suffering produces character, endurance, and perseverance in us.
God’s understanding is that everything works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). What Satan intends for harm in our lives, God intends for good (Genesis 50:20). God’s plans are for good; to prosper us and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). Over and over again in Scripture, God says that he works for good on our behalf.
Our understanding is so limited. We are so focused on today, but God is focused on eternity. He will do whatever it takes to win us over for eternity.
An eating disorder may not make sense to you. At this present time. In your own life. But God can make sense of it. He has a plan to redeem what Satan meant for harm.
The second half of Proverbs 3:5 says, “acknowledge him and He will make your path straight.”
When we stare at the eating disorder, we get stuck. We focus our time on how horrible, hopeless and purposeless it is… and we are stuck.
Change your vision. Stare at God. Let Him give you a straight path out of the mess. He may not give you the roadmap for the rest of your life, but He will give you the next step for today. The next step may be the very thing you need to get out of the pit and onto dry ground.
On dry ground you may glance back into the pit, realizing that the purpose of being there was to encounter the mighty hand of Jesus.